the story

Right, since my last (proper) post, my absence can be explained by the following (not necessarily in chronological order):

• a lack of motivation to work on the PhD, leading to even less work done, leading to even more stress. repeat.
• received news that i needed to go to hospital for surgery
• been to hospital for a cystoscopy and biopsy
• my flatmate was found dead in his room; no clue about how long he was dead before being found
• having to live in a hotel for a week then at frens' for another week or so
• having to sort out flatmates who want to move after the trauma
• pple thinking that "the student" has nothing better to do when clearly the past few weeks has made it more difficult to help plan "fun things" and asking me for input on things i cannot afford (time and money wise) does not help
• had my heart broken (or the reality of it finally hit), which made all the above more difficult to endure and cope with, hence the depression and subsequent disappearance and general anti-social behaviour

so there you have it. no i'm not pregnant, no i'm not getting married (see above), no i haven't had an abortion. if u ask me if i'm ok or how i'm doing i will say i'm fine because i don't want to talk about any of it and it's too troublesome to explain (and as mentioned i'm not in the mood these days). possibly i'm in a permanent state of PMS but unfortunately the littlest things annoy me so it's best i stay out of pple's way. sorry to those i've neglected during this time, probably missed a lot of going aways and joyous celebrations. the dark period is passing with time and i can only hope i'll be back to my normal self again soon.

on a happier note, the brother is visiting soon and i will have a birthday celebration (altho the number of years is a depressing thought) so little milestones are keeping me slightly sane (most days). thanks to those who've been supportive during this time and to those who i've not driven away by my erratic behaviour. all will be right in jill's world again soon. just need to win the lottery first.